The subject of same-sex marriage continues to be a hot topic that's being debated just about everywhere - undoubtedly in your circles of social, political and religious confluence as much as mine. I've stayed mostly quiet on the subject because I was hoping to let my thoughts distill a little more before speaking out. I think I'm in a good place with it all now and can share with you from a calmer, more intelligent frame of reference.
It's pretty simple for me - it's my desire to share in the same wealth of privileges that the rest of you do. I've searched my thoughts for a long time now as to why I think I should be allowed to do so and with your indulgence for a couple of minutes, will share with you what I've come up with.
Political, religious and social ideologies at some point still boil down to the people. And I'm a people. And any effort to keep me from enjoying the same privileges as the rest of you do feels awkward and out of synch with the relationships we have.
Your religious beliefs may compel you to say that homosexuality is wrong and therefore the legalization of same-sex marriage is wrong.
But where does that leave you when it comes to me?
Your political views may be conservative and not open to the idea of changing the status quo when it comes to things like gay rights and same-sex marriage.
But where does that leave you when it comes to me?
And your social identity may be deeply rooted in the concept of a traditional family structure that involves a mother and a father at the helm.
But where does that leave you when it comes to me?
This is me. Tom. The guy that most of you reading this letter have known a long time and to one degree or another enjoyed and even cherished having in your lives. You know me as an artist, a pianist, a designer, a landscaper, a writer and a photographer. You know me as a friend, son, brother, cousin, father and now a grandfather.
You know me as a guy who delivered not only his daughter but her firstborn as well and has been a loving and attentive father since the day Auri was born 23 years ago.
You know me as a man of compassion and caring who's contributed in many ways over the past fifty years to the lives of so many people. You know me as a guy who's possessed of enough occasional eloquence and intellect to stir your hearts and stimulate your thinking. And some of you know me as a guy who amongst other things, crochets beanie caps and sells them on the internet.
And finally, some of you know me as a dancer or the guy who did the flowers for your wedding or the guy who worked with terminal patients at Century City Hospital in Los Angeles.
Over the course of these past fifty years most of you have found a reason to keep coming back to me or at the very least a willingness to leave your doors open so that I could keep coming back to you. That speaks to me of a mutual love and desire that places me on an even par with you rather than a step or two beneath you.
When you support measures that would prevent me from enjoying the same privileges you do, you have placed me beneath you in a very real way.
Have I really been beneath you all these years?
I'm asking you to dig down deep into your hearts and see if you can make me, Tom, as important as any social, religious or political ideologies that you might be holding onto.
It's personal...
Very personal, because this is me, Tom, the guy that you know and love that's being affected. It's not just some nameless, faceless gay guy out there that you've never met. You've met me and you know me well and many of you have even said you love me.
You know who I am and you know what I'm capable of and you know what I've given and still give. I'm asking you to think about what we share and see if you can find a place for me at the same table of privilege that you're dining at.
Why?
Because I stand beside you fully integrated into the fabric of your lives. I love with the same caring and passion that you do and I have the same desire for security and happiness that you do.
The intimacy, happiness and fulfillment that you may have found with someone of the opposite sex is something that I can only enjoy with someone of the same sex. I don't know why this is so, but it is. It's the reality of my existence and it has in no way impeded my ability to be a good friend, a good father and a good human being. Unfortunately though, it does impede my ability to share in the same kind of privileges that most of you take for granted when it comes to marriage.
I think most of you understand by now that in allowing me the privilege of marrying another man your own lives will in no way be affected negatively.
How could they be?
Nothing is being taken away from you or in any way diminishing the sacredness of your relationships. Your marriage will continue to have the same treasured importance it's always had. Nothing can change that. I would like to share in that kind of treasured relationship wherein those I love are protected and benefitted through marriage.
As you contemplate where and how you lend your support in the months ahead I ask you to keep me in mind and remember that it's me, Tom, that's being affected.
"...I love you, but I don't believe you should have access to the same rights, benefits and priveleges I have."
I don't know where to go with that anymore.
And I don't know what that kind of love means.
So rather than sitting around feeling angry or confused about it, I'm doing the best thing I know how to do by reaching out and making this personal, reminding you that on the receiving end of all of this is me, Tom, a real live breathing, loving human being.
I hope you'll choose me
when given the chance to do so.
Thanks,
