"Evergreen attests that individuals can overcome homosexual behavior and diminish same-sex attraction and is committed to assisting individuals who wish to do so."
The highly controversial concept of reparative or conversion therapy is a phenomenon that exists almost exclusively within religious organizations who view homosexuality as an aberrant and sinful lifestyle - a lifestyle that according to them, can and should be abandoned and replaced with what they consider to be an acceptable heterosexual lifestyle.
It is way beyond the scope of what I'm sharing with you here to address all of the facets of this subject. An online search using the words "reparative therapy" will keep you busy reading for hours. This is a more personal approach based on my own thoughts and experiences. Let me start with some of the details and then I'll get to the heart of the matter on down the page.
Reparative therapy has been dismissed by virtually all of the major psychological, psychiatric and medical organizations in the country. Following are some of their statements.
The American Psycholanalytic Society says:
"As in all psychoanalytic treatments, the goal of analysis with homosexual patients is understanding. Psychoanalytic technique does not encompass purposeful efforts to "convert" or "repair" an individual's sexual orientation. Such directed efforts are against fundamental principles of psychoanalytic treatment and often result in substantial psychological pain by reinforcing damaging internalized homophobic attitudes."
The American Psychiatric Association's (APA) Position Statement on Psychiatric Treatment and Sexual Orientation, adopted by the APA Board of Trustees in December 1998, states in part:
"...the American Psychiatric Association opposes any psychiatric treatment, such as "reparative" or "conversion" therapy, which is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder..."
The APA's statements also include the following::
"Psychiatric Treatment and Sexual Orientation -- The potential risks of "reparative therapy" are great, including depression, anxiety and self-destructive behavior, since therapist alignment with societal prejudices against homosexuality may reinforce self-hatred already experienced by the patient. Many patients who have undergone "reparative therapy" relate that they were inaccurately told that homosexuals are lonely, unhappy individuals who never achieve acceptance or satisfaction. The possibility that the person might achieve happiness and satisfying interpersonal relationships as a gay man or lesbian is not presented, nor are alternative approaches to dealing with the effects of societal stigmatization discussed. Therefore, the American Psychiatric Association opposes any psychiatric treatment, such as "reparative" or "conversion" therapy which is based upon the priori assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or based upon the assumption that the patient should change his/her homosexual orientation." (December 1998)
And finally, the AMA weighs in on the subject with this:
"Most of the emotional disturbance experienced by gay men and lesbians around their sexual identity is not based on physiological causes but rather is due more to a sense of alienation in an unaccepting environment. For this reason, aversion therapy (a behavioral or medical intervention which pairs unwanted behavior, in this case, homosexual behavior, with unpleasant sensations or aversive consequences) is no longer recommended for gay men and lesbians. Through psychotherapy, gay men and lesbians can become comfortable with their sexual orientation and understand the societal response to it."
The professional community's opinions notwithstanding, many religionists continue to support and encourage the practice of reparative or conversion therapy within their religion-based groups. Evergreen, which is affiliated with the Mormon Church, is but one of the many.
So my question then becomes: "Why are they trying to change parakeets into pandas?" The answer is simple: Homosexuality is believed to be an unnatural, undesirable and sinful lifestyle. So no matter how far-fetched the premise, the act of turning a parakeet into a panda is pursued at all costs. Unfortunately, the term "at all costs" here is what most end up paying in the end because reparative therapy doesn't work.
Turning feathers into fur may have been a possible scenario in the mythological constructs of biblical times, but it doesn't fly in the context of what we know to be true today.
You might be able to get a parakeet to imitate the sounds of another animal but you'll never get it to grow fur and walk on all fours. Homosexual behavior can be modified or sublimated, sure, but the homosexual person from whence the behavior springs is still always going to be there. As the participants in reparative therapy have proven time and time again, the homosexual person they are at their core almost always emerges again at some point and never really goes away.
I suppose if a person is OK with being at war with themselves for the rest of their lives, then go for it - wage a valiant battle. Unfortunately though, a lot of innocent people get hurt in the war; not the least of which are spouses who become unwitting partners to a gay man or woman's attempts to become straight.
It's impossible to argue with a person's beliefs and so I won't go down that path. My concern is for those people whose lives are being devastated by the promises of reparative therapy that are failing to be realized. Gay men and women are being told that they can change their orientation and live happy and fulfilling lives as heterosexuals; or at the very least sublimate their same-sex attractions enough to allow heterosexual activity to be present.
Problem is, it's not working. And the reports of success are hotly contested on both sides of the issue. Reparative therapists are claiming up to 70% success rates while those on the other side of the fence are claiming that the rates of success are virtually 0.0%. With limited scientific study having been completed on the issue, the debate remains ongoing. Considering the staggering number of firsthand accounts out there from conversion failures, I think it's safe to say that the programs aren't working.
Take the case of a guy I met recently who has been married for nearly twenty years and has several children. Dale grew up in the Mormon Church and has been aware of his homosexual desires and attractions since he was in his late teens. Like most other young mormon men, he went on a mission at 19 and came home to the deeply ingrained dictum that he marry in the temple and immediately start having children with his wife. Even though Dale knew that his sexuality was in question, he went ahead and married and did what he was supposed to do, hoping against all odds as many do, that things would change.
A few years into the marriage he realized that his attraction to men wasn't going away and he sought help from Evergreen where he eventually became one of their beloved poster boys. On the surface it seemed, all was well and Dale was living the perfect life with the perfect wife and a gaggle of beautiful children. The white picket fence around Dale's house was pretty and white but underneath the paint, the wood was falling apart.
Dale's homosexuality wasn't going away but only growing stronger and more persistent as the days went by. All of his best efforts notwithstanding, the reparative therapy techniques so perfectly practiced every moment of every day and the thousands of prayers offered up to god to take these desires from him, have left Dale with little more than a deep and persistent self-loathing. And the inevitable realization that his homosexuality hasn't gone away and never will.
Today, after nearly twenty years of marriage, Dale is in trouble. He realizes that both Mormonism and Evergreen are founded on lies and he's been led down the primrose path by both. Getting out of Mormonism was relatively easy compared to what he's facing trying to get out of a marriage that's no longer working. He has kids, lots of them, and he can't just walk away. His wife is desperate to hang onto him and resorting to blackmail to stop him from ending their marriage. As with so many women who feel betrayed by their marriage to a gay man, his wife is threatening to sue for sole custody should Dale end the marriage. Whether or not she could ever get away with it, (and it's highly unlikely that she could,) it's still a threat that has generated a terrible fear in Dale's heart and created more despair on top of what's already there.
Dale is trapped. He's trapped in a marriage that's over but one that he feels he has to maintain out of fear of losing his children. He's trapped in a marriage to a woman who still believes with all her heart that he can do what Evergreen says he can do if he'll just try harder. Dale's wife still believes the lies, but he doesn't.
Dale has tried with all of his heart and might to become a heterosexual man. But at the end of the day, he's still homosexual and all of the magic potions in the world aren't going to create fur out of feathers. Homosexual orientation doesn't go away and nobody has proved this more perfectly than those who've graduated cum laude from organizations such as Evergreen. Their stories are all over the internet.
As much as I wish I could, I can't solve Dale's problems for him. This is something that he's going to have to figure out on his own. What I can do however, is reassure any of you out there who are contemplating Evergreen as a solution to your homosexual desires, that it's not the way to go. Your homosexuality is a fundamental and unchangeable part of who you are. You can change your behavior but you cannot change the core from which that behavior springs.
Reparative therapy is based on the notion that homosexuality is an aberrant, sinful lifestyle. If you subscribe to that belief then you are fully justified in wanting to change your behavior so that it falls within the boundaries of religious acceptability. But please, don't do it at the expense of another person. If you feel that homosexuality is something that you don't want to be a part of and don't want expressed in your life, then choose celibacy. But don't make another person responsible for carrying the burden of your beliefs and desires. When a spouse or partner eventually realizes, and they almost always do, that your fundamental desires are for someone other than them, it rips their lives apart. Nobody deserves that and it's not a compassionate choice all things considered.
Entering into a marriage with a heterosexual man or woman when you are homosexual is a recipe for disaster. Countless men and women have gone down that path, only to find that in time nothing inside of them has changed and that ultimately they have to end the marriage. Sometimes it can be done quietly and amicably. But more often than not, in cases like Dale's, it exacts a high price.
Evergreen is an organization that holds out the promise of turning parakeets into pandas. But in reality, all that it can deliver is one really screwed up parakeet that will invest the hours and days of its life trying to be something it can never be.
There's nothing wrong with being a parakeet if a parakeet is what you are.
Tom Clark
